Part 8 : Bedtime
I pressed my face back into the soft fabric of his shirt, and felt the
solid warmth of his chest beneath, his heart was beating faster now and
I was thrilled by the fact. Even so, I began to wonder what I had just
done. I had just asked this handsome, intelligent, perfect young man
if I could sleep with him, and instead of laughing in my face he had
said yes and kissed me! I had certainly come a long, long way since
Thursday. I was absolutely complete at that moment, sure I was aware
that there was so much more for us to do together, but right then all I
wanted to do was stay in his arms, just as I was.
"Thank you, Dale." I was barely aware I had spoken that thought aloud,
but I guess I must have, because Scott answered.
"Calling out other men's names already?" There was a teasing note in
his voice, he knew all about Dale, my best friend, and his wife Eileen
who had urged me to get together with Scott after our first
embarrassing encounter at my office. I laughed lightly into his chest.
"Listen, Mike, this is great. I could stay like this all night, but my
left arm's gone to sleep, I'm going to have to move." There was real
regret in his tone, but it wasn't half as much as mine.
"Sorry!" I pulled myself away from him and sat up straight.
"Will you please stop apologizing to me?" He gently rubbed his arm to
get the blood flowing through it again and grinned at me to show he
wasn't serious.
"Or you'll do what?" I taunted.
"This." He pulled me close to him and kissed me on the lips again.
This time I was prepared for him and wasn't too surprised to respond
and our tongues were soon dueling in the warm cavity formed by our
mouths. "Now c'mon, you." He was suddenly standing and had pulled me,
seemingly effortlessly, to my feet. I was reminded that for all his
gentleness towards me last night and all day today, Scott was no
lightweight.
"You're the boss."
"Remember that!" And then his expression was serious again, "are you
sure you want to do this, Mike?"
"Asked and answered. Yes, I've never been more sure about anything." I
squeezed his powerful arm and gave him my most sincere look.
"Okay." We crossed the room, and he pushed open the door to his bedroom
and stood back to let me go in first. It was a stark contrast to the
untidiness we'd just come from, there was only one thing in the room.
His bed. It was neatly made, and thrown across it was the suit he had
taken off that morning. "Oh, let me move that!" He trotted across the
room to grab the suit, smiled sheepishly at me and threw it on the heap
of clothes on the chair. I was standing about a foot into the room,
staring at the bed. His bed.
"Which side is mine?" I asked trying to ease the tension that suddenly
filled the room. Then I noticed a clock, a book and a glass of water
on the floor at the head of the bed. "I guess that one, then?" I
indicated the other side.
"Whichever you prefer. Really." He paused, and then, "God, this is
awkward, you'd think it'd get easier!" I burst out laughing! Mr.
Confidence was feeling awkward too, at least it wasn't just me! I
turned and hugged him tightly, he squeezed back and we stood like that
for a while. When I let go of him, I felt more grounded, more in
control of the situation, and a lot more relaxed.
"Well, unless you usually sleep in your clothes, I guess we'd better get
undressed, huh?"
"I guess so." He swallowed and began to undo the buttons of his shirt.
I stood transfixed, I had intended to lead this process, but I was
fascinated by the slowly growing V of skin as each button was undone.
He was looking down at his chest intently, as though performing an
unfamiliar operation. I became aware that my breathing was uneven as
he pulled the tails of his shirt out of the waistband of his jeans and
slipped it off completely.
"You're so beautiful." I breathed as I gazed at his smooth, well
defined body. He looked up, blushing, but smiled at me and held out
his arms I took two steps towards him and allowed him to wrap me in his
strong arms and press me to his chest. I rested my head against his
shoulder and realized that I was powerfully aroused by this man. I
stood somewhat awkwardly, to avoid my crotch brushing against him. He
must have noticed.
"It's okay, Mike. Me too." His voice was low and soft, such that I
felt it almost more than I heard it. He slid his hand down my back to
my waist and gently pulled my lower body towards him, I flushed beet
red as he pressed his thigh against the bulge in my jeans. But it felt
so good! Even so, my entire body stiffened at the contact. I resisted
the urge to yank away from him in shame and embarrassment at having
another man knowing I was aroused by him.
I struggled with my conflicting emotions as he held me like that. I
desperately wanted to go on, to do anything he wanted me to do and at
the same time I desperately wanted to run from the room screaming.
Maybe this had been a terribly bad idea, maybe I should just have gone
home, maybe we were moving too fast, maybe I wasn't gay after all. All
these thoughts and dozens of others tumbled through my confused mind as
I tried to sort things out in my head, years of repression and lies
were conflicting with a powerful, almost overwhelming desire for Scott.
He slid his hands back up and rested them on my shoulders pushing me
gently away from him and I looked up at him, terrified that he was
going to stop this and wishing desperately that he would. He smiled
gently at me, and raised one hand to muss my hair. I tried to smile
back, but it came out forced, more of a grimace and he gazed intently
at me for a moment until I dropped my eyes. "I'm going to go to the
bathroom, Mike. Why don't you get into bed?" There was such warmth in
his voice, I felt tears begin to well up again, but fought them back
down.
"Thank you." I whispered. He could see that I wasn't ready, or that we
were going to fast for me and was giving me a way out again. He turned
and walked out of the room, closing the door behind himself.
When he was gone, I stood for a while breathing deeply and then, giving
myself a shake, I stripped rapidly to my shorts and T-shirt. Despite
all my uncertainty, I was determined to go through with this, I wanted
so desperately to be with him. I placed my clothes in a fairly neat
pile and lifting the covers of his bed I slid underneath. It was
blissfully cool between the sheets and I laid my head back against the
pillows. My heart was beating like a jackhammer and I tried to focus
on relaxing my muscles.
A few minutes later, there was a tap at the door, but before I could
answer it opened and Scott's head came round it, a nervous smile on his
lips. Seeing that I was in bed, he looked more relieved and came fully
into the room. He came over and sat on the edge of the bed. I had a
sudden feeling of déjà vu.
"You okay? You want me to go sleep in the other room?" His concern for
me was so touching.
"No! I'm fine, please, get in."
"Okay." He stood up and kicked off his sneakers, and began to unbutton
his jeans. He kept his back to me, and I watched his muscles moving
under his skin and felt a terrible urge to touch him again. After what
seemed an age, he slid the jeans down and added them to the pile of
clothes. Now wearing only his boxers, he turned and lifted the covers
to slide into his bed beside me. I felt awful for making him feel
awkward like this in his own home.
"Scott, I'm so sorry." I whispered.
"I warned you about that!" He slid closer and resting his hand on my
shoulder he bent over to kiss me. Suddenly what had seemed so welcome
in the car was incredibly threatening and I tried to sit up, to get
away. My head cracked against his and I was vaguely aware of his
crestfallen expression before he jerked back with a startled yelp.
Pain shot through my head and I too slumped back on the pillows.
Before I could apologize again he started to laugh and my urge to flee
faded. I propped myself on one elbow and leant over him, stroking his
cheek with my free hand.
"What's so funny, you?"
"You. Me. Us!" He gasped between laughs. He reached up and caught my
hand, bringing it to his lips and kissing my fingers gently. "I'm
sorry, Mike, I should have thought before I did that. I don't want you
to feel threatened, but you looked so good lying there..." He trailed
off.
"You're sorry? I'm the one who assaulted you."
"Just a scratch, Sergeant, I can go on." He joked.
"Shh." I placed my finger against his lips and scooted closer to him.
Laying my head back on right side of his chest and my hand on the left.
"Lift up." He said and when I did he slid his arm under mine and up
onto my shoulders so he could pull me a little closer and stroke my
back gently.
"I didn't meant to jerk away like that, Scott," I murmured. "I really,
really wanted you to kiss me, I just felt pinned suddenly, trapped.
I'm sorry."
"That's two kisses I owe you now."
"It is, isn't it?" I raised my head and looked into his beautiful brown
eyes and saw only affection there. He leaned forward and kissed me
lightly, twice, on the lips. I gazed into his eyes for a moment longer
and then quietly said, "sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry." True to his word
he kissed me again, on the forehead, both my eyes and my nose. Then he
placed his lips against mine and we kissed deeply and slowly.
"Guess I lost count." He smiled at me as we broke the kiss. "God, you
have such beautiful eyes." His fingers were playing with my hair. I
looked don at him and felt such a swelling in my chest I thought I
would burst. He was painfully beautiful to me, how could I have been
so lucky? What had I done to deserve a man like this, and why couldn't
I be the kind of man he deserved? I reached up to run my fingers
through his soft, blond hair and marveled at how young and innocent he
looked lying there, at how much trouble I was causing him and how well
he was taking it all.
"Whatcha thinking?" He asked me.
"I was thinking how little I deserve to be here, and how great you are."
I replied honestly his fingers playing with the hair at the nape of my
neck.
"What's 'deserve' got to do with anything? I'll tell you what you
deserve, same as everyone else, you deserve to be happy. Are you?
Happy that is?" His voice was lazy, but the tone serious.
"Wonderfully."
"Well that's all that matters. To me anyway."
"Do you mean that?"
"Yes. Who knows why stuff happens? Who cares? We met and something
was right and for reasons I don't have I want nothing more than I want
to be with you, right here, right now. Nothing else signifies, for
now, this is my world."
I gazed at him for a long moment, he held my gaze and didn't blink or
turn away. Every inch of him radiated sincerity and my heart thumped.
I blinked and realized that I was crying, the tears running slowly down
my cheeks. Tears of pure joy as I saw the rest of my life opening up
before me. He brought his hand up to my face and wiped the tears
gently from my eyes with a small chuckle and a shake of his head.
"Let's not talk any more. Let's not think about tomorrow, or about
other people are about anything other than now. Okay?"
"Okay." I managed as I sniffled and laid my head back onto his broad
chest. I felt him sigh heavily and then all the tension seemed to flow
from his body, as though he too had crossed some sort of boundary and
was able to relax now. I snuggled into him and my eyes closed.
When I awoke it was in a strange bed with a warm weight across me. I
was lying on my side, Scott's warm chest at my back, his arm round me
and his breath gentle on the back of my neck. I tried not to move, not
to disturb his slumber, to make the moment last, but he must've sensed
I was awake and with a soft snuffling sound he woke himself. He
stretched and rolled onto his back away from me.
"How'd you sleep?" He asked. This was typical of the Scott I was
coming to know, his first thought on waking was to check how I was.
"Amazingly well. I haven't shared a bed in the longest time, I never
thought I'd be able to get to sleep. Especially with someone as
gorgeous as you lying next to me!"
"Ha ha. But seriously, I'm glad you slept well, you looked so worn out
last night." I kissed his shoulder lightly, by way of thanks. His
hand moved under the covers and sought out mine, squeezing it gently.
"I guess we should get up. Where's your bathroom?" I asked. Suddenly
I wanted to be up and moving, and not lying here. I don't know why.
"It's the one that's not the kitchen. Clean towels are on the shelf,
help yourself." He hauled himself upright and swung his legs out the
bed apparently sensing that it was time to start moving and that we'd
only spoil this moment together by drawing it out further. As I went
to have a shower, he began busying himself in the kitchen and I
marveled once again at my incredible good fortune. I luxuriated in the
shower, staying in far too long, I felt like I was washing away the
last of my old life and my silly insecurities. Eventually Scott tapped
on the door and asked if I had drowned which brought be back to earth.
I hurriedly dried off and dressed myself.
In the kitchen, a simple breakfast was laid out on the breakfast bar
(oddly enough) and Scott was sitting on one of the stools smiling at me
with a rumpled, just woken up look, about him. He was still wearing
only shorts, which was a bit of a distraction while I ate, but one I
could more than live with. When I finished eating I reached across the
table and squeezed his hand.
"Thanks, Scott."
"For breakfast? No problem." He knew that wasn't what I meant.
"For Friday, for yesterday, for last night. For everything. You've no
idea how much I appreciate what you've done for me."
"You sound like you're about to leave." He looked apprehensive.
"No! God, no. I just wanted you to know how much it all means to me."
"Okay, well, no problem I guess. I didn't do anything special."
"You were you, that's more than special enough."
"I think you overheated your brain in that shower! And speaking of
which its my turn now." He rose to leave.
"Hey can I make a quick call? Check my messages?"
"Sure, knock yourself out."
I phoned my home number and dialed the code for my answering machine, I
had four messages, so I played them back. They were all from Dale and
Eileen. Starting Saturday morning, two more in the evening and one
this morning. The first three were simply curious about where I was,
the last reminded me that I was supposed to be going over for dinner
tonight and asking very archly where I had spent the night. I stood
for a moment considering my options and then dialed their number. The
phone rang only a couple of times before Eileen answered.
"Hey, Eileen, its Mike."
"Michael! Its been too long." She said sarcastically, "Where have you
been?" I could hear Dale in the background demanding to be allowed to
talk to me or at least for the call to be put on speaker.
"It's a long story. I'll tell you later, this isn't my phone."
"You dog!" Dale's voice.
"Well that settles it, you're not coming to dinner any more, Mike,
you're coming to lunch. And bring a friend!" Eileen, always keen to
get the latest news had spoken!
"Um, I dunno, I'd have to check that."
"Check what." It took me a moment to realize that the voice was behind
me and not coming through the phone line. I turned to see Scott
toweling dry his hair again.
"Was that him?" Eileen squeaked in my ear, "Put him on!"
"Its Dale and Eileen, they want us to come to lunch today. But if you
don't want to that's okay, really." I explained with my hand over the
mouthpiece.
"No problem, I'd like to meet your friends. They sound great."
"Are you sure about this? They can be pretty weird, and Dale will cross
examine you, he won't pull any punches."
"Oh I'm big enough and ugly enough to look after myself, but thanks for
the concern!" He smiled at me and ruffled my hear before ambling off
to his bedroom to get dressed. I took a deep breath and turned my
attention back to the telephone.
"Mike? Mike? What's going on. He's not talking. Mike?"
"Okay, Eileen, we'll see you for lunch. Should I bring anything?" I
was already dreading this, they were my oldest and best friends, but I
knew this would be an ordeal.
"Just lover boy!" Peals of laughter came down the phone at me. "Oh,
Mikey! I'm so excited for you!"
"See you later." I hung up.
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