Part 7 : The Date
So there we were, in the museum, hand in hand like a couple of
teenagers! I could hardly believe what was happening, but suddenly I
didn't care what other people thought. I felt giddy, like a teenager.
The way his face had switched from hurt and lost looking to so bright
and alive again, just because I had held his hand made me about the
happiest man alive! The mask he wanted me to see was utterly
beautiful, but I barely even noticed it. He let go of my hand once we
were at the display case but gave me a big goofy, happy smile as he did
so, I could only smile back.
The rest of the time in the museum passed in a blur and soon we had made
our way round all the exhibits and it was time to go. I glanced at my
watch and saw it was almost six o'clock, which meant we had been in
there for four hours. Wow! When we finally wandered back out into the
street the earlier clouds had cleared and it was a lovely, sunny
evening. As I stood blinking on the steps, it occurred to me that I
had, basically, just had a first date in a museum and nothing seemed in
the least bit odd about that. A first date. I hadn't dated in years,
but I was glad to have started again.
"Hey, how about an ice cream?" He gestured towards a cart across the
street and a little way into the park where a guy was selling them.
"Sure, that'd be great."
"Race you?" I barely had time to look surprised and he was off. Damn,
but he looked good as he jogged easily down the steps and across the
street, 'poetry in motion' didn't do him justice. I was too busy with
the view to compete, so by the time I trotted up to him he was already
holding two ice creams and he thrust one in my direction.
"What happened to you?" He asked, between mouthfuls of ice cream.
"I was admiring the view." He laughed and blushed slightly, for someone
who had seemed so damned confident when we first met, he was
surprisingly bad at hiding his feelings. But then, he didn't have the
years of practice at duplicity that I had. Ouch! Where did that come
from? I felt a sudden stab of enormous regret, why couldn't I have met
Scott while I was still at college? I felt like I was starting my life
all over again at 29, doing stuff I should have been doing while I was
a teenager. We wandered back across the park to where we'd left my
car.
He noticed that I wasn't saying much and asked if I was all right. I
told him plainly what I was thinking, that I had missed out on about 9
years of my life, while I play acted at being straight.
"Why couldn't I have met you back then?"
"I'd have been 13, Mike! It would never have worked."
"Ha, I guess not. But you know what I mean." His joke only served to
remind me how much older than him I was.
"Sure I do. I was lucky, my friends and family were very supportive.
In many ways it was easy for me to be who I am. But even if you
started late, at least you've started, right?"
"I suppose."
"There's no suppose about it. I'm right. And now, we've got a lot of
work to do, to bring you up to speed."
"And what on earth does that mean?"
"Use your imagination!" He winked at me and I couldn't help but laugh
at him. Finishing his ice cream, he stepped closer and slid one strong
arm around my waist. I don't know if he felt the shudder that went
through me, but he squeezed a little tighter and asked, "is this okay?"
I don't know if I was shuddering from apprehension, from embarrassment
or from desire. It didn't seem to matter much.
"Its going to take some getting used to." I said, and he moved away
slightly, as though he was going to let go, but I put my hand on his to
stop him withdrawing his arm, "but I can't get used to it if you don't
do it."
"You got yourself a deal." And we walked in silence like that all the
way back to the car, me sort of leaning against him and him holding me
like I used to hold girls, back in my previous life. Possessively, and
I wanted to be possessed by this perfect young man. A few people gave
us odd looks, he seemed totally oblivious, and after a while I started
not to care either. In fact, sometimes the people we passed would
smile at us, as though they could see on our faces how happy we were.
And what could possibly be wrong with happiness so great that total
strangers can see it and feel happy for you?
When we got back to the car, he put his hands on my shoulders and looked
me straight in the eyes. Once again I found myself gazing into the
depths of his glorious brown eyes and willing the moment to last
forever. Once again, his voice ended the moment. "Mike, I want you to
be comfortable with me. You know that right? I want the two of us to
be natural with one another, but I know you have a lot of stuff to work
through, to get used to. So, I'm really sorry about what happened in
the museum, I never even thought about it, I just wanted to touch you.
So, I need you to tell me if I do something you're not comfortable
with. Okay?"
"Shut up, Scott." I leaned forward and kissed him on the lips and I
think, for the first time, the element of surprise was mine! Still he
recovered quickly, slipping his hands down from my shoulders and onto
my lower back and the back of my neck, he returned the kiss. It felt
fantastic! His lips were wonderful, and he tasted so clean and fresh.
His hands so warm and strong were unlike anything I have ever
experienced before. I could have stayed like that all day, but it had
to end eventually.
"Wow." He said as I pulled back. I smiled and leant my forehead on his
shoulder and put my hands on his waist. I felt slightly dizzy, but the
good kind of dizzy, like I'd just got off a carousel.
"That was my line," I said as I stood enjoying the feeling of him
holding me close like that. "But to answer your question, I have never
felt more comfortable with anyone in my life. You surprised me in the
museum but I'm getting used to your impulsiveness, and maybe I can
manage to be a bit more spontaneous myself! Now, how about a bite to
eat?"
"Do you ever stop eating?"
"Gotta keep my strength up." We disentangled ourselves, reluctantly,
and got back into the car.
"Wow. That was great, Mike, really." He said again, grinning at me
from the passenger seat.
"Are you going to keep saying that?"
"Yes, for a while anyway. Wow, wow, wow!" And he leant across to kiss
my cheek. "So where are we going for dinner? How about Chinese,
there's a good place not far from the movie theater?" How could he
manage to be so casual? My head was spinning!
"Anywhere you want! I'm easy."
"Really?" He drew out the word lasciviously.
"Oh, for God's sake! You know what I meant!"
"Sure I do, but I like to watch you squirm." Typical!
"Shut up, Thomas!" I had learnt from him earlier that he hated being
called that, so I really made a meal of it, saying it like the lady
from the Tom and Jerry cartoons (Taaaaaaw-mass!). He punched my
shoulder lightly and I shook my head in exasperation.
We drove to the restaurant, and once we were all settled and had ordered
the conversation resumed. We chatted idly for a while, but eventually
I worked up the courage to ask something that had been on my mind for a
while but which I had hesitated, until now, to raise.
"Scott? Can I ask you a personal question?" I asked hesitantly, half
of me desperately curious to know the answer, the other half fearful of
what it might be.
"My life is an open book, ask away..." He busied himself with his
chopsticks and did not make eye contact, obviously not too keen to go
down this road with me despite his words.
"Ahem. Um, have you been, you know, with many guys?" He looked up,
startled and smiled gently.
"God! Is that all? I thought it was going to be something awful. Um,
well I guess it depends on what you mean by many."
"So how many then?"
"How many do you think?"
"I don't know. You're stunning, you can't have found it hard to meet
men. Maybe, what, twenty?" He laughed so hard the shrimp in his
chopsticks got loose and landed on the tablecloth.
"What's so funny?" I was confused.
"Guess again, Mike!"
"More than twenty?" I was slightly shocked by this figure, maybe I am
old fashioned. I had slept with maybe half a dozen women in my life
and I was quite a bit older than him.
"No! Fewer than twenty. Considerably fewer." Suddenly he seemed
slightly annoyed, whether by me thinking he had been with lots of men
or by my, I suppose, obvious disapproval of it. "You want an exact
count? Four."
"Four? Really? Is that all?" Now I really was amazed. I think I've
made clear how gorgeous he is, I could hardly believe what he was
telling me.
"Yes. But I'm hoping to make it five." He blushed again and retrieved
the errant shrimp. He was so amazingly beautiful when he did that shy
and vulnerable thing.
"Wow, sorry, I didn't mean to embarrass you. I, that is, you just seem
so confident and experienced that I assumed..."
"I'm not into one night stands, Mike. I like to get to know people
first, and I like to be sure they're right for me before I get
involved. I've been burned before." He looked up defiantly, clearly
he'd been hurt in the past and was the stronger for it now.
"Do you want to talk about it?" I knew I didn't want to talk about it,
but if he needed someone to listen I was determined it was going to be
me.
"No. Let's focus on here and now, 'kay?"
"Okay. So, how am I shaping up?" I joked.
"I don't know, I left your score sheet at the apartment." He smiled
wickedly at me.
"With the sketches of me?" I had said it before I had time to consider
the advisability and stop myself.
"Oh. You saw those." His face was burning.
"Yes. They were great."
"Really? You're not freaked?"
"Not at all, I'm hugely flattered. I know you're not stalking me!"
"I thought about it."
"Naturally, I'm quite a catch." The mood had lightened considerably and
we were back to the easy banter.
"Yes, I think you are." He was suddenly grave and it was my turn to
blush like a schoolgirl. I guess I had asked for that, but it still
surprised and astonished me that this amazing guy could honestly think
he was getting the better part of the bargain.
"You have got to be kidding me. Do you own a mirror, young Mr. Logan?
You're the catch around here, and you cook a mean breakfast!" We
laughed and resumed our meal, me feeling absurdly smug. Afterwards we
caught a movie, The Whole Nine Yards, as we had planned to, but my mind
wasn't really on it at all, so I could tell you nothing about it except
the title! What I do know is that Scott has a truly divine profile and
there is nothing finer than sitting in the dark with his arm round my
shoulders. Every so often he would laugh, and I would feel his body
shaking against mine and I offered up silent prayers to whatever deity
had brought me this man. My man, I liked how that sat.
Finally, like all good things, it had to end. The lights came back up
and Scott stretched, lifting his arm out from behind me as he did so
and pushing himself to his feet with a yawn.
"That was pretty good."
"Amazing." I think he could tell from my tone of voice that we were
talking about different things
"I'm beat. I hope you were planning to give me a ride home." So that
was it, movie over and home. Oh well, I guess I couldn't complain, I
had been with him solidly since half past five yesterday (even if there
was a big blank spot halfway though).
"Nah, you're walking."
"Aw, come on!" He pouted at me and I laughed.
"Well, okay. But it'll cost you."
"What?"
"A goodnight kiss when we get there."
"Sold, let's go. That's one fare I'm happy to pay."
As we drove back across town (one of us is going to have to move!) Scott
rehashed the plot of the movie for me and I began to feel pretty glad I
hadn't been paying attention, I've never been a fan of farce. On the
plus side, though, it gave me another opportunity to just sit and
listen to the sound of his voice and think my private thoughts. I
pulled up in front of his building and killed the engine.
"Pay up."
"With pleasure." He leaned across and took my face between his hands
drawing me to him, and for the second time that day, we kissed. This
time we held it for much longer and as I reached out to touch his
cheek, I felt his lips part and his tongue touch me, tentatively at
first and then with more assurance when I didn't pull back. Giving in
(as though there was a choice!) I allowed my lips to part too and his
tongue slipped in. I was in heaven, hornier than hell but also scared
to death at how quickly things were going. He must have read my mind
because he broke the kiss.
"Mike, I don't want to rush you, I don't want to crowd you, and I don't
want to scare you off. I like you a lot and I think we can have a lot
of fun together, and I'm happy to go at whatever pace you're
comfortable with. Understand?"
"Yes. Thanks." It came out as a whisper.
"Do you want to come up for a while, maybe have some coffee before you
drive back?"
"Um, sure, I'd like that. Course, we'll have to stand up."
"Oh a comedian? Well maybe I don't want to make you coffee after all."
He smiled and squeezed my shoulder again, "Come on, sexy."
Once in his apartment he got the coffee started and then set about
clearing space for us to sit, piling everything off the sofa and onto
the chair I had been using earlier. That way we could sit together,
which I was more than happy about, as you can imagine. I took the
proffered cup of coffee as he slumped down onto the seat beside me and
slid his arm round my shoulders again. Suddenly I didn't feel that
thirsty so I put my cup on the floor and drew my legs up underneath me,
sliding my arm across his chest and resting my head on him. To my
surprise he let out a contented sigh and placing his cup on the armrest
he cradled me to him with his now free arm.
We sat for that for a long time, I was listening to his deep regular
breathing and feeling his heart thumping steadily a few inches from my
ear. It was like how I imagined being back in the womb would feel, as
though I were part of him. "Scott?" I spoke into the soft material of
his shirt.
"Mmm?" He sounded half asleep.
"What would you say if I said 'I want to stay here with you tonight'?"
There was a long silence.
"I'd say, 'are you sure?'" He sounded awake now, and felt very alert
although he hadn't moved in any way.
"And if I said 'yes'?"
"Then I'd say that I'd love you to stay here."
"Good." I lapsed back into silence. Finally he spoke, hesitantly as if
unsure whether to say something or not.
"So DO you want to stay here tonight?"
"I think so." I was right on the edge now of the most significant
decision of my life.
"I don't have a spare room, and this sofa isn't very comfortable." He
was giving me every chance I could have wanted to pull back from the
precipice. I decided it was time to jump, I had wasted enough time
already.
"Guess I'll just have to bunk with you then." He swallowed heavily and
adjusted his position slightly.
"Mike, are you really sure about this?" I raised my head and looked
into his eyes, his face was an odd mixture of concern and happiness.
"I don't know, Scott, but this feels too good to stop. Maybe tonight
you could just hold me and we'll see how it goes? I don't know if I'm
ready to do any more, but I do know that I want to be with you." He
nodded and apparently satisfied that I meant it, his face resolved
itself into a soft smile and he bent over me to kiss my forehead.
"That sounds wonderful."
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