Part 5: Dinner
"Really? You're not angry?" I couldn't believe it could be this easy.
I had gone out of my way to set this guy up and he wasn't phased by it.
It was too good to be true.
"Angry? No, I'm flattered!" He took his hand from my shoulder and
leant past me to grab my jacket. "Now let's go. I'm starving!" He
thrust the jacket at me and I managed to take hold of it, despite being
so stunned that I couldn't speak coherently.
"Flattered?"
"Sure. Have you looked in a mirror recently, Mike? You're a handsome
man. To be honest I kinda hoped you'd call, that's why I gave you my
card."
"Handsome?" I was winning no prizes for my conversational skills here,
but he'd really thrown me.
"Are you going to repeat everything I say, or are we going to go and get
some food?" His beautiful brown eyes sparkled with amusement. I could
have gazed into them forever, but he would probably not be impressed!
"Sorry. You took me by surprise is all. Um, yeah, let's go."
We walked together to the elevator and made our way out of my building.
My mind was in turmoil. I'd never been with another man in any way.
Okay, this was only dinner, but even so. It was a big step for me and
I had no idea how I should be acting toward him. The fact that he was
probably the best looking man I had ever met wasn't helping either.
Tall and blond, well built and just really nice. What had I done to
deserve this?
"You're driving, buddy, I walked over here." His voice brought me down
to earth as we crossed the car park (me totally on auto-pilot). "And
you still haven't told me where you're going to take me." I forced
myself to think.
"Um, how about Harris's?" That was where Dale and I always went, it
was pretty expensive, but the food was great and it was familiar
territory.
"We might as well just walk there, that is if you don't mind." He had a
point, it was only five minutes away and I could always come back for
my car later. So I nodded and we walked along in silence for a while
until finally he broke it and spoke up.
"You don't talk much do you? Anyone would think that you were really
uncomfortable."
"Sorry, this is just new to me is all. I haven't really, well..." I
trailed off, not wanting to tell him my life story here on the
sidewalk.
"Been with many men?" He finished for me.
"Any would be closer to the mark." I said before I could stop myself.
This was worse than the first time I asked a girl out in high school!
"I see." I waited for him to say more, but he didn't. We arrived at
the restaurant then and he held the door open for me, we had to drop
the subject and get on with the business of dinner. Thankfully! We
were quickly shown to a table, issued with menus and asked for a drinks
order.
"Um, just a mineral water for me, thanks." I wanted to be completely
sober and in control of this situation. Scott looked at me
questioningly.
"Same for me, maybe we'll have some wine with dinner, though." He gave
the waitress the same winning smile that had melted my heart the day
before. She blushed and scooted off to get the drinks - I had a
feeling we'd be getting first rate and very attentive service. "I came
out when I was sixteen." He said as soon as she was gone. I was
slightly thrown by that, he was just so matter of fact about it.
"I just got out of a long relationship with a woman - it hadn't been
right for a while, it just wasn't working. I needed something more, or
something else at any rate."
"Like a man?" He grinned at me and I found myself smiling back. Here I
was in a pretty public place discussing my private life with this man.
This incredibly beautiful, confident, GAY man. And suddenly it seemed
the most natural thing in the world to be doing. I found myself
wishing, deeply longing I could be more like him, more worthy of his
time and effort.
"I guess so. It took me a long time to come to terms with being gay."
This was the frankest admission of my sexuality I had made to anyone
other than Dale and Eileen. It was oddly liberating.
"So tell me more about the real Michael Robins."
"Like what?"
"Like everything!"
"Um, I don't know where to start..." I honestly didn't. Normally I'm a
pretty good conversationalist, but sitting there with him, his big
brown eyes fixed intently on my face I dried up completely.
"Just tell me stuff. Like, what's your middle name? How old are you?
What's your birthday? Your star sign? Where were you born? Do you
have any siblings? Do you prefer cats or dogs? What's your favorite
color? Do you like anchovies? What's..." I butted in before he went
any further.
"Okay! I get the point! My name is Michael John Robins, I was born on
June 19th 1972, which makes me 29 and I'm a Gemini. What was next?
Siblings?"
"Place of birth, then siblings. I should maybe print up a form?"
"Very funny. I was born in New Jersey, my parents moved here when I was
11. I have no siblings, just me. Um, I prefer cats, I have a cat in
fact called Richie, and no I don't like anchovies."
"Weirdo, no accounting for taste. But you forgot to tell me your
favorite color!" He smirked at me and I looked him straight in the
eye.
"Right now, I'd say brown." Corny I know, but for the first time since
we'd met he looked a little surprised. I felt like I'd scored a point.
"What about you?"
"Thomas Scott Logan, born December 15th 1977 in Philadelphia, so 22 and
a Sagittarius. Two brothers and one sister, all older, Alan, Stephen
and Katherine, in that order. Prefer dogs, but can cope with cats if
pushed. Um, love anchovies. And my favorite color would definitely be
blue, light blue. With dark brown hair." So I wasn't the only one who
was going to be corny, I felt myself blushing as he looked at me with
total sincerity. I felt warm all over, like a teenager again. I had
an urge to loosen my tie, or play with my napkin or anything that would
allow me to look away, but I couldn't. Thank God the waitress arrived
just then to take our order and broke what was about to be a very
awkward moment.
I quickly scanned the menu and ordered what I always ordered there, a
rare steak with all the trimmings. Scott said he'd trust my judgment
and have exactly the same and we ordered a bottle of red wine to wash
it all down. Suddenly I felt that I could do with some alcohol. We
chatted back and forth as we waited for the food to arrive and I
learned a lot more about him, and him about me. We stayed off anything
personal and just talked about our jobs and stuff like that. It was
pretty easy and fun, I found myself relaxing in his company.
Before I knew it we had finished dinner and two bottles of wine and were
on to the coffee, chatting away like old friends. He had just finished
a really funny story about an embarrassing accident while he was on a
skiing holiday when I checked my watch and gasped. It was almost
eleven o'clock!
"Got to be somewhere?" He asked, concerned.
"There is nowhere I would rather be than here. I was just surprised
that it was so late already." There is nowhere I'd rather be? Oh God!
Maybe all that wine was a mistake. It began to dawn on me that I was
drunk and he wasn't, that he'd been doing most of the talking and I'd
been doing most of the drinking. Was he trying to get me drunk so he
could have his way with me? Suddenly my paranoia, the little nervy
voice in my head, was starting to sound like my mother. "I think I've
maybe had too much to drink."
"You think?" He was grinning at me again.
"Maybe I should go home."
"Maybe you should." He sounded disappointed, but his face was full of
concern. "Do you feel okay? Would you like to get some air?"
"That might be a good idea."
"Okay, go outside, I'll be with you in a minute, once I settle up here."
"Hey, I'm supposed to be buying you dinner."
"You can get the next one. On you go." I was in no state to argue with
him so I tottered outside while he handed over his card to pay for
dinner. When I got outside I took several deep breaths and felt even
more drunk than I had inside. I leant against the wall and slid down
until I was sitting with my back fully against the cool stone. A few
minutes later he came out and looked around, not seeing me at first,
again he radiated concern. Then he spotted me, smiled and shook his
head. He squatted in front of me and placed his palm against my
forehead.
"You don't look so good, Mike. Where are your car keys?"
I fumbled my keys out of my pocket and handed them to him. I shouldn't
be this drunk, I guess it was a combination of alcohol and nerves. I
had been so keyed up about calling him and I had been drinking heavily
the night before. Plus I skipped lunch so I was pretty much drinking
on an empty stomach. It must just have been catching up on me now.
I'm not as young as I was either.
"Right, let's get you home. Up you get" He helped me to my feet and
put his arm around my waist to support me. How I had wanted him to do
this! I just never imagined it would be in this sort of situation. We
walked quite slowly back to my office car park, me leaning on him a
little more than was strictly necessary but it just felt so good. He
was so strong and reassuring.
He bundled me into the passenger side of my car and I managed to put my
seat-belt on as he made his way round to the other side. I was already
feeling better for having walked around for a while. I told him my
address when he asked and he started the car. Every so often on the
drive he would check I was okay and kept talking the whole way there.
Little by little I began to join in the conversation. I was feeling
pretty foolish by this stage, I just don't know what happened at the
restaurant but whatever it was it felt like it was wearing off now.
When we got to my building I was able to get out of the car by myself
and walk up the stairs under my own steam. He came up with me to make
sure I was all right but stopped outside my door.
"Do you want to come in?" I asked.
"If you want me to."
"I do. I'm so sorry about that, I don't know what happened. I feel
like such a fool, Scott, I'm sorry. I've ruined a lovely evening."
Tears started to form in the corners of my eyes. I pushed the door
closed.
"No! No, you didn't." And then his arms where round me and his fingers
were stroking my hair. I pressed my face against his chest and clung
to him tightly as I sobbed. I had wanted tonight to be so perfect and
I had ended up behaving like a total fool. I had never felt so bad and
he still didn't seem to mind. He was so solid and real, I felt safe
there with him. "I had a great time, you're a wonderful guy." He
moved me gently to my sofa and sat us both down.
"I'm such a fool. A pathetic fool."
"Don't say that. Don't ever say that. You're lonely and you're
insecure, but you're not a fool, do you hear me?"
"Yes I am."
"No you're not." And then he kissed me. Just on the top of my head,
but I felt a shock through my whole body, my stomach flipped over and I
suddenly didn't feel like crying any more. I felt like laughing and
singing. "You can't be, my mother told me never to kiss a fool." I
looked up and he was smiling down at me.
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