Part 10 : Consummation
My hands were shaking as I maneuvered through the traffic back to my
apartment building. Astonishingly, we made it in one piece and I
didn't crash. I have never been more anxious about anything in my life
and my heart was pumping like crazy. As we got out of the car to go up
to my apartment, I realized that neither of us had said a word on the
way over. Scott was letting me have some quiet to think, but he broke
the silence as we climbed the stairs.
"I like your friends." He smiled at me shyly, aware that this was a
very new thing for me and trying to keep the mood light. I felt a
great surge of affection for this man who always put me first in his
thoughts.
"They liked you, too. How could they not? You're wonderful." I kissed
his cheek to show I meant what I said and opened the door to my
apartment. Once inside, Scott turned to face me and smiled his
wonderful smile, a gentle expression on his face.
"So, here we are."
"Here we are." I agreed.
"And this is it."
"This is it." I parroted.
"Mike." He cleared his throat nervously. "I want you to be absolutely
sure about this. 'Cause there's no going back once we do this."
For once, although I was scared half to death of what might be about to
happen, I knew with an absolute clarity and certainty that I did want
it. I wanted nothing more, in the short time we'd known each other, I
had grown to love this funny, gentle young man and I could think of
nothing better than being with him. I stepped forward and slid my arms
round his body, feeling the whispery texture of the silk, and leant my
head against his chest. His heart was pounding as hard as mine which
sent a thrill through me. He brought his arms up and hugged me tightly
to him with a sigh, his hands were shaking.
"Please don't be freaked, Mike, but I think I'm falling in love with
you." He breathed into my hair. His voice was so quiet and hesitant,
so unlike his usual voice in fact, that I wondered at first if he
hadn't actually spoken and I had imagined it. But he had.
Could he really mean that? If he did then I knew without a shadow of a
doubt that I was the happiest man alive. I loved him with all my heart
but had stopped myself from saying so for fear of scaring him off and
because I was so unused to the whole idea of feeling like this about
another man. Now here he was saying it to me. I looked up into his
eyes and saw the utter sincerity that I had hoped so desperately would
be there, and along with it a terrible vulnerability. I barely trusted
myself to speak, but I had to say something. Scott had just laid
himself completely open to me and my next words would be the most
important of my entire life. Dozens of possible responses rushed
through my mind in the seconds before I answered.
"Good." I leaned forward to kiss him on the lips. I let that one word
sink in for a moment before going on. "Because I already have fallen
in love with you." He hugged me so tight I thought my ribs were going
to break.
"Scott, I can't breathe!"
"Sorry!" He released me at once. "But you just made me the happiest
man alive." He was smiling so broadly I could practically see his
wisdom teeth.
"You know the punishment around here for apologizing! Besides, you're
only the second happiest man alive." I (partly) joked and kissed him
softly on the lips again. "Let's have a seat."
Suddenly, I could no longer trust the muscles in my legs to keep me
upright. The expression on his face was doing something which had,
until now, been nothing more than a silly expression: making me weak at
the knees. We sat down together and he took my hand a little shyly.
"I don't know what to say, Mike, I just want to hug you so tight! I
want to show you that I really meant what I said."
"I know you do, it's written all over your face, and it's amazing."
"We barely know each other, but I want to be with you all the time, I
want you to meet my friends and family. I want you to BE my friends
and family." He smiled goofily and blushed again, "How dopey did that
sound? Sorry, but I..."
What could I do? He'd broken the rule about apologizing again and if I
hadn't kissed him he'd have gone on babbling and making a fool of
himself. And, believe me, I know all about making a fool of myself.
So I kissed him again and this time it quickly went from being a peck
to a full, glorious kiss. A kiss from Scott, my boyfriend, my BOY
friend, MY boyfriend. Wow! I hugged him almost as tightly as he had
hugged me.
"Mike? Would it break the mood if I asked for a drink? Only my mouth
is really dry right now." The apologetic note in his voice made me
burst out laughing, I couldn't stop myself.
"Mine too." I finally managed. "Wait here, I'll get them." I rose and
left the room for my kitchen. When I got there, I leant against the
counter and hyperventilated for a while before pouring two glasses of
juice. I could hardly persuade myself that the events of the last
twenty minutes or so had actually occurred. That sitting, at that very
moment, in my living room was a beautiful, kind, sincere young man who
had just told me that I, was all he could think about. I was! Me!
Me? That's what he'd said.
I went back through with the glasses of juice and handed one to Scott.
As he took it, I noticed that his hands were still shaking slightly.
Come to that, so were mine. He drained his drink in one gulp and
smiled weakly at me.
"Wow. You really were thirsty, weren't you?" I smiled back.
"Guess you have that effect on me." This sort of jibing was more the
Scott I was used to. That said, I loved seeing his more vulnerable
side every bit as much as the cocky side. I sat back down beside him
and placed my unfinished drink on the coffee table. I had a sudden
flash of déjà vu, it was so like the night I had been so drunk he had
to put me to bed. I reached out and laid my hand on his knee. He
looked down at it, then placed his own hand on top of mine and squeezed
gently.
"I want this to be perfect for you, Mike. I want that so much." He
gazed steadily into my eyes. "I want everything to be perfect for
you."
"You're here, it will be perfect." I was absolutely confident that that
was true, and surprised myself with the strength of my voice as I said
it. "You are the most amazing man I have ever known, Scott. I still
can't work out why you want to spend your time with me."
"I hope to God you're joking. I don't want to have to hit you."
"Hit me?" That wasn't the response I had expected.
"For being an idiot."
"Me?"
"You. Mike, you are a sweet, caring, sensitive, intelligent, handsome,
funny, decent, loving, fantastic human being. That's why I want to be
with you." He reached out to touch my cheek before going on. "That's
why I love you. And I'm not just saying that to get you into bed!"
"I know you wouldn't do that."
"Good." He took his hand away from my face and ran it slowly down my
arm to take my hand once again in his. I wondered briefly if my palm
was sweating, as it ought to have been. His was gloriously warm and
dry, and his grip so firm and sure as he held my hand. I wanted for
him never to let go of me.
"Scott? Remember that thing I said in the car?"
"Which 'thing' in particular?" His eyes sparkled as he grinned at me.
"You are not funny. You know very well what 'thing'."
"Sure I do, but I want to hear you say it again. I liked it."
"Okay, fine." I punched his shoulder. "Make me suffer."
"I'm only kidding." The mischief was still in his eyes but there was
also a certain caring something that told me he didn't really want me
to squirm.
"Scott, I know you're kidding, but you're right. I need to say it
again. For me, if not for you." I took a deep breath and looked as
steadily as I could into his eyes. "Scott, I want you to make love to
me." He grinned broadly at me and took both my hands in his.
"Your wish, is my command." And with that he rose to his feet, pulling
me to my feet with him. We embraced and kissed, a long slow kiss. His
strong hands moved slowly and gently up and down my back, one rising to
bury itself in my hair and press me even more closely to him.
"Just..." I began, and then hesitated.
"Just what?"
"Just, take it, you know, slowly?"
"Mike, you know I will. I won't do anything you don't want me to do. I
won't rush you. And I CERTAINLY won't hurt you. You believe me, don't
you?"
"Of course I believe you. I'm just nervous, I guess. It's like being a
teenager again, I'm afraid..."
"Of me?" There was incredulity and a trace of sadness in his voice.
"No! It's not that at all. It's, well, it's... I'm afraid I won't be
any good. That I'll disappoint you, that you won't enjoy it." I
blurted out. He looked long and hard at me, satisfying himself of
something, and then burst out laughing.
"Oh, Mike! You could never disappoint me."
"This IS my first time, Scott." I blushed as I said that.
"So do what feels good. Just let go, and don't be afraid to try
something. You'll be able to tell if I'm enjoying it! I'll do the
same, and I guarantee you this'll work out just fine. And even if it
doesn't, practice really does make perfect, and I for one won't give
up." He kissed my forehead and I felt a great upsurge of love for him.
"Neither will I." I said with as much firmness as I could command.
"Should we go through to the bedroom?"
"Whatever you want." He cocked his head and waited for a response.
"Okay, let's. And I will hold you to that!"
"I sincerely hope so! I'm yours one hundred percent, to do with as you
will. Now, don't just stand there!"
We went through to the bedroom, holding hands, me first, sort of leading
him. And I realised I hadn't slept in there since Friday night and the
bed was still unmade since then. It gave the room a very disordered
appearance and I was about to apologise for it when it struck me that
it was very likely about to get much more rumpled than it was. I
turned to face Scott and released his hand, I looked up at him and
smiled as I reached for the top button of his shirt. He smiled back
and put both hands on my waist as I began to unbutton his shirt. I
fumbled it a little, it had been some time since I had undone anyone
else's clothing, but soon had the buttons undone and the shirt
untucked.
He moved his hands away from my waist and undid the cuff buttons
allowing the shirt to fall from his shoulders and into a crumpled pile
behind him. I gazed at his beautifully proportioned body once more and
reached out to touch him. His skin was so warm and soft, and the
muscles beneath so firm it nearly took my breath away. I ran my hand
gently down his sides and across his belly, to the top button of his
pants. As I did so, I became aware that he was breathing more heavily.
I drew my hand back and reached for the waistband of my sweater, I was
shaking slightly.
"Here, let me." He said suddenly, surprising me a little. I willingly
raised my arms and allowed him to pull my sweater up and over my head.
As it pulled free, I became acutely aware that my entire upper body was
bare and exposed in front of this man. I am not a lightweight, but I
certainly didn't have Scott's body and I felt a little self-conscious
standing there. Then the thought that he had undressed me while I was
unconscious on Friday night returned and I couldn't contain my
laughter. "What's so funny, you?" He asked me with a grin as dropped
my sweater to the floor.
"I was thinking, this isn't the first time you've had to take my clothes
off for me. It just struck me as funny. Guess it's a bit easier this
time, with me being awake, huh?"
"Just a bit, you're less like a sack of potatoes this time! Not much,
but less." He smirked at me and I slapped his bare shoulder. "Ouch!"
"You asked for it."
"I guess I did. Besides, I like it when you treat me rough!" We both
cracked up at this and I felt my self-consciousness going. "You know,
I didn't peek on Friday, this is the first time I've seen you without a
shirt on?"
"And?" I wasn't sure I wanted him to answer.
"Not bad. For an old guy." The grin told me he wasn't serious.
"Thanks for the compliment."
"Anytime. Actually, I think you have a wonderful body. Nice
definition." He ran the fingers of one hand down my sternum and I
shivered at his touch. Suddenly I felt the bed against the back of my
knees and with gentle pleasure to my chest I tipped and ended flat on
my back on the bed. "Very nice. You know, I think I'm going to kiss
you all over." And he matched actions to words. It felt amazing as
his lips and hands moved over my upper body, swirling round my nipples
and tracing the light dusting of hair down to my belly-button. Then he
sat up, one hand on my hip, the other on my belly, a questioning look
on his face.
"Can I see you naked?" He asked quietly.
"You first." I breathed. He grinned broadly at me and in one graceful
movement he was on his feet again, his shoes were off and his pants
were round his ankles. He stepped out of them and kicked them across
the room. He was standing before me now in only shorts and socks and,
oh my God, did he look delectable! He raised one leg, flamingo-like,
pulled the sock off and dropped it, repeating the process with the
other foot. Ridiculous though that pose should have looked, I found it
and him intensely arousing. The reality of this situation had just
eclipsed each and every fantasy I had ever had, and we'd barely
started.
"Want me to keep going?" He teased.
"No." I answered him.
"What?" He looked confused and a little lost. I lay still, looking up
at him for a moment or two, giving him a taste of his own medicine.
But I couldn't make myself be cruel to him, so I finished the sentence.
"No. I want to continue for you. Come here." His face lit up again as
he caught my meaning and that I had been teasing him.
"You're a laugh riot, Michael Robins. But I forgive you." He dropped
back onto the bed and was lying beside me, kissing my lips and stroking
my chest. I allowed my hands to slide to his waist and heard a small,
happy sound escape his lips. He raised his hips from the bed, giving
me easier access, and I sat up to slide his shorts down his long,
well-muscled legs. And there he was, naked alongside me and seemingly
totally at ease with it. I drew my breath in sharply.
As I had known it would be from our previous embraces, everything was
perfectly in proportion to the rest of his body. Half of me, the half
that had looked at pictures on the Internet and other men in the
showers, was impressed at his physical perfection. The other half
experienced a spasm of terror at how big it was, though I knew
intellectually it was only a little above average, the thought of it
being in me filled me with dread. As ever, though, Scott seemed to
sense my unease and very gently reached out for me. He kissed me
lightly.
"Don't worry, Mike. I told you I wouldn't make you do anything you
didn't want. We'll take this at whatever pace you think you can take.
I meant it, for now just lie back and enjoy." I trusted him
completely, and I knew he was serious when he said that, so I lay back.
My stomach remained knotted and I knew I was still shaking but I tried
to relax my body. He slid down the bed and squatted at the foot of it
to unlace my shoes and slip those and my socks off. I heard the thud
of each shoe as it hit the floor and felt his gentle hands pull my pant
cuffs up slightly to get at my socks. Then he was back on the bed and
undoing the button on my pants.
Soon they joined all our other clothes on the floor and I felt his warm
breath on my thighs. His fingers lightly slid up the leg of my shorts
and I gasped again as he stroked softly. Then his face was back next
to mine, the whole experience was becoming disjointed as each new
experience overwhelmed the previous one. I was experiencing his
actions like stop-motion photography, but despite the strangely distant
feeling, I ached for him.
"You okay?" He asked me, concern in his voice.
"I've never been better in my life. I can't believe how amazing this
feels. Because it's you doing it."
"I love you, Mike. I want this to be the best thing you've ever
experienced. I really do."
"I love you too, and it already is." We kissed long and slow, our hands
moving very gently over one another. I had become used to his
nakedness now and felt a fool for my earlier fears. I still viewed it
with trepidation, but was determined to do what I could to make him
feel good too. Summoning up all my courage, I reached for him and
squeezed gently. I had never touched another man as intimately as
this, but I guess I did something right. His fingers gripped my
shoulders tightly.
"Oh man!" His voice was strained. "That feels so good, Mike, but you
don't have to."
"I know I don't have to, but I want to." I began to work my hand slowly
up and down, basically doing to him what I had so often done to myself,
I figured that was the way to go until he said otherwise.
"Oh God!" He closed his eyes and lay back on my pillows, one hand on me
still the other clenched into a fist with a handful of my sheets in it.
I took this as a good sign and continued what I was doing, never
taking my eyes off his face. He looked beautiful like that, his eyes
tightly closed, mouth open, his breathing ragged and I rejoiced deep
inside myself at the effect I was having on him. He opened his eyes,
obviously sensing me watching him, and smiled faintly at me, pulling
himself upright to kiss me full on the mouth.
"Are you sure you've never done this?" He asked. He ran his fingers
down one side of my torso while he kissed and nibbled at my other
shoulder and my neck.
"Not to someone else." I said, concentrating on keeping my stroke even.
He barked out a short laugh and fell back on the bed again, eyes
closed.
"Well you must've practised a whole hell of a lot, 'cause it feels
absolutely fantastic!" Was that a compliment or an insult? I no
longer cared, it was all I needed to hear. I banished the little voice
that was telling me to stop, grab my clothes and bolt. I never wanted
to hear from that voice again, but I did want to hear the words Scott
had just said, and the tone that told me he truly meant it. More than
anything else, I wanted to hear that again, I picked up the pace.
"Still okay?" I asked as his chest heaved, knowing the answer from all
the signals he was giving.
"Amazing, Mike. Amazing, but how come you're still not naked." He
raised his head to look at me and I stopped what I was doing to answer
him.
"Because you never fin..." Before I could complete the word I was on my
back again and he had my shorts down to my ankles. He constantly
amazed me with his strength and how fast he could move when he tried.
He ran his fingers across my belly and downwards.
"Mike, you're absolutely beautiful. I am so lucky to be here with you."
His fingers encircled me and my back arched with the pleasure of it, I
groaned loudly. It was like the first time all over again, it was
fantastic! "You like that, huh?"
"YES!" I cried out.
"Then you'll love this!" And there was a warm, moist cyclone where his
hand had been. He swallowed me with apparent ease and I threw myself
back onto the pillows, my entire being focused on the sensations he was
causing. His hands travelled up my body and every inch of skin they
touched was set on fire. My mind reeled, this was better than anything
I had ever felt before or ever imagined feeling. I clutched at his
broad shoulders and concentrated all my attention on making this
wonderful, wonderful feeling last as long as I possibly could.
"Oh, Scott!" I called out. "This is so amazing, it's fantastic, it's
like nothing I ever felt before, but I want us to finish together!" My
breathing was coming in harsh gasps and my words were interspersed
between them as I struggled to get a coherent sentence out. He raised
his head and looked into my eyes, drawing himself up to kiss my mouth.
"Me too." His hand took up where his mouth had left off and I reached
for him at the same moment, eager to return to my unfinished task.
With our free hands we clutched at one another, kissing frantically. I
knew this was going to be over for me soon. There was nothing I could
do to prevent that, but I desperately wanted, when I went over the
edge, to take Scott with me. I concentrated intently on what I was
doing and willed myself to hold out for him. The room was filled with
the sounds of our breathing and the occasional little gasp or moan, it
was utterly intoxicating.
"Oh, God!" I moaned. "I can't last much longer."
"Neither can I." He gasped back.
Moments later, I was proven right as his tender touch pushed me to my
limit and I felt like my entire being was expelled from my body. I let
out a loud cry that might have been his name and might have been some
sort of primal, animalistic scream, I honestly don't know. I was
answered by him gasping my name against my neck and suddenly it was
over for both of us. I felt my body, so tense moments ago, sag utterly
and I lay still against him panting to get my breath back. I became
aware that both our bodies were drenched in sweat as I came down slowly
from the most intense orgasmic high of my life.
Scott lay, breathing heavily and unevenly, slightly under me. One hand
was resting across my back and the other played gently with my hair.
"Thanks, Mike, that was amazing, man." He breathed softly in my ear.
"No, thank you." I wanted to say so much more, but I couldn't formulate
my thoughts properly, all I knew was I was happy and sated. I never
wanted to let go of him, but after a few more minutes I rolled over
onto my back and my hand sought out his. "Sorry it was so quick."
"I'd say it lasted about the prefect amount of time." He said,
squeezing my hand tightly, there was the old laughter in his voice.
"And now I owe you another kiss." He propped himself on one elbow and
kissed me softly.
"Careful, you never know what you might provoke if you keep doing that."
I sighed my response.
"I can but hope!" He kissed me again and I knew that this would only be
the first of many such experiences and that no matter what he would be
there to help me overcome my fears and inhibitions. But more
importantly than that, he would be there to love me, and I would always
love him.
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