A Train

A Train...of Thoughts

by C P King

This is a story about a train trip. Two couples and an event that happened. You’d have to understand the background to understand why the event even could happen. So here it is.

Years ago, in between girlfriends, I had met the most fabulous lady. She was married and at the time was exploring more of her own sexual identity. I was the lesbian that found her. Instantly we became friends. Her name was Elle. She had in years past a female lover that she had been with for over a year but it wasn’t enough to chuck her marriage over and she was married to a pretty good guy for over 20 years and it just kept on going. It wasn’t his fault that she was born a lesbian. It had just taken her all those years to really discover it. There were other issues too but that’s not a part of the story.

When we met it was just to be social. Girl buddies able to talk about anything and that we did. Neither one of us expected the total click that we had. Neither one of us knew what to do with it when it happened. But within a short time, with her husbands blessings, we became lovers. The deal was, at first at least, to play and enjoy until either their marriage couldn’t take the playing or until I found Ms. Single Lesbian Right and wouldn’t do that on the side to anyone I was involved with.
Elle also lived kinda far from me, so our infrequent excursions to meet up were precious but scattered. Perfect for a lesbian out dating that wouldn’t just sleep with anyone. Intense romance and lovemaking. We still had our other ‘real lives’ at home. I kept trying, not with full heart, to date new women. She kept trying to be married while thinking of me on the side. For over six months we became the best of friends, soul mates in our endeavors and grew to have this connection that even today is beyond words. The intenseness was astounding. The depth of our love astounding. The cravings for each other wrecked havoc in our everyday lives. Finally, we both had to stop it. We both were in no position to be full time lovers and even though I think we each wanted it, it could not be.

Elle and I stayed the deepest of friends through it all. After we got over the hurt and missing part. As adults we communicated and got through it as best we could and helped each other along the way. I still think back sometimes about the timing and how much it sucked at the time, but I understand why we met. Even though I couldn’t be hers. I understand what it did for both of us and those things were only the good parts.

When we ended it, we made a pack to stick it through with our friendship and we did. She wished me well and I wished her well. It proved difficult as I started to really try to date and meet women again when all I wanted was Ms. Elle. Her marriage collapsed all on its own even without me in the picture which was likely inevitable even before we had had our time together. But it happened. As friends we laughed through it. At times we even cried together. Mainly we stayed there for each other because of the bonds that had been created when we were together.
But we both trudgingly moved on. It took about a year for Elle to get her marriage dissolved and find an apartment. I dated a million ladies and never found one that clicked until I met Sydney. Sydney and I started dating in the fall of ‘98 about seven months after Elle and I had cooled our jets together. She understood my connection with Elle and never had a problem with our continued endless nighttime conversations on the phone or periodic lunch dates to just catch up on stuff. The inner connection with Elle never ended when we stopped being lovers. I controlled my pangs and convinced myself that it was friendship love in my heart not girlfriend love.

For me, Sydney made me content and shared her life with me. She even helped me try to set Elle up with women after her divorce was final and she had moved into her own place. After a while Elle even met someone and they began seeing each other pretty steady. A nice girl from Rocky Mount that was into sculpturing weird things. Sometimes I think it still bothered me that I wasn’t with her as a partner. But I pushed it away. I tried not to act jealous. I didn’t dwell on the picture of other women being with her. We all had moved on and were happy for each other.

The daily stuff fixes you into your patterns and ways. As time went on we did that. Sydney and I were exploring our own relationship as Elle was exploring hers with Mary. We’d get together for camping trips and occasional nights out to go dancing. I wouldn’t admit to anyone the way my heart still burned inside when Elle hugged me goodnight as she hugged each of us as she always did in parting.

As the spring of ‘99 approached we all planned this wild train excursion for April. The four of us taking a train from Atlanta to Provincetown Maine for an all women’s Jazz Festival. Elle and Mary were in charge of setting up accommodations in Provincetown and Sydney and I were in charge of food and transportation to get there and back. Instead of flying or the monotonous 12 hour drive I found a train that would take us there and booked us all in for a couple of sleep cabins and a 14 hour train ride of cards, food, sleeping and fun. Our plans came together.

Finally, we met in Atlanta and with all our bags of game boards and goodies set off for Provincetown. Elle and Mary, me and Sydney. The train was too cool. The cabins were small but fancier then we expected. The dining car or Bar Car as we called it was only two cars back from our cabins. We set off at 5:00 PM to be in Provincetown by 7:00 am. the next morning. Sydney had packed an exquisite dinner. We were cheap’os and didn’t want to pay the $20.00 a plate dinner fare price for 4 inches of steak! We ate cheese fondue with French Bread, salads and fruit in our cabin. We laughed and drank wine and continued to look out the windows saying oooohhh and aaahhhh at all the sites along the way. I was enjoying my trip. Elle was all smiles too. After a while we returned to the Bar Car and took over the back three tables. A couple from New Orleans that thought all us wild lesbians were a hoot joined us for several rounds of Back Gammon. More wine and more laughs, we all were definitely on vacation.

About 10:00 I noticed that Elle had disappeared. I had to go pee so I told Mary and Sydney, heavily involved in a game of hearts, that I’d check on her on the way to the bathroom. I was a little stumbling from the wine as I went through the two cars towards the cabins as the train shimmied and shook along its tracks. Two bathrooms were just across from Elle and Mary’s cabin and I knocked on the door of each. They were both empty so I went into one and relieved myself of some of my wine.
As I came out, Elle was just coming out of her cabin. "Are you all right?” I asked. "I’m fine, what are you doing?”, she said, somewhat surprised that I was right there when she opened her door. "I had to pee and I told the girls I’d check on you. We missed you. That’s all,” I said looking into her eyes and trying to steady myself in the hall as the train moved on.
"Check on me? I thought you gave up on that a long time ago,” she said back. I noted a little sadness in her voice and I wondered what was really wrong. She still moved mountains within my heart with just the sound of her voice I noticed.
"You could have fallen over with all these bumps and I just wanted to be sure you were OK. Are you?” I said placing my hand on her arm.
"I’ve never been on a train you know, and I guess I’m feeling a little claustrophobic. I just had to stretch my legs,” Elle responded.

Without even thinking I blurted, "I always wanted to take you on a train.” She just looked at me. I saw the sweet melt in her eyes. "Why didn’t you?” was all she said. Before I knew it I was kissing her. We hadn’t kissed in over a year but it was just so the same. Wet and powerful and desirous. She kissed into me and I felt her tongue reaching for mine. The train suddenly bumped and I was thrown forward into her and we fell back into her cabin. I held on to her as we tumbled together onto the floor. Still kissing. Still holding each other. I pulled my legs up as the cabin door shut behind our fall.

The train moving on, her lips still kissing into me I reached under her shirt and grabbed her right breast. She moaned as I kneaded it between my fingers. I was on fire and I had her beneath me. Elle was pealing at my clothes and pulled my shirt up over my head. Without stopping we attacked each other in a fever that was too hot. Clothes flying, kisses smeared on one another. Just to get our bodies close together. Within seconds we were naked and lying together on the floor of the cabin. Our hands rubbing down each others familiar bodies, our kisses into each other with passion and lust. Elle grabbed at my tits and pulled at my hard nipples. I reached down between her legs and felt the rush of her wetness calling me in. I stroked into her. Feeling her luscious cunt give way to me. My fingers playing on her insides. Rubbing her clit to full tilt the way she always liked it. Her moans into my mouth were like songs. I felt her body tighten and then I felt her orgasm explode around my hand. Her body tremble and rush. Mounting her then, I drove my cunt onto hers. Rubbing faster and harder into her. Feeling my own orgasm peaking and releasing as I had her under me totally. I felt ever inch of her clit inside mine. I felt ever quiver of her body with mine. We clawed each other closer together and cried out in shear pleasure and ecstasy. Again and again I came in rushes. Again and again I felt her come too. We finally collapsed in each others arms and just trembled in clutch.

I whispered, "I missed you.” Elle started crying and just said, "I’ve always just wanted you.” Wrapped naked together as the train moved further on we just laid there and held each other. I don’t believe either of us could believe what just happened or what triggered it after all this time. After a while Elle asked me, "Do you love Sydney?”. I choked and I paused then answered, "I do, but not like I have always loved you. I don’t want to hurt her, but if it meant having you, I would have to tell her good bye.” There was a very long silence. Then she kissed me. Hard and passionately and with what I felt was all of her soul. "I love Mary too, but you are my life and I don’t want to be with anyone else forever like I want to be with you,” Elle whispered to me, "Please don’t let me go again.”

Suddenly all of the things that we had worked through, helping each other through all those times came rushing into my head. We couldn’t do it before and we both just did without. But the feeling for her had never left. It had never gone away. I still saw myself with this women on into my long dying years even though I had put it off in my mind, it was still there. I kissed her again and again. I rubbed my hands up and down her body and we made love again. This time more slowly. This time taking it all in. Our cries were muffled by the trains endless clicks. And we held each other.

After a while we came somewhat conscious. Conscious of where we really were and what we were doing. "What are we going to say Elle?”, I asked her. "We have to go back and see them,” I continued. "Oh shit, I don’t know,” she lamented. We dressed quietly and then held our hands together as we stared into each others eyes. "If you let me love you forever I’ll make them understand we were meant to be”, I finally said to her. She squeezed my hand and kissed me. "I can’t believe this is happening Carol after all this time, but I love you and I don’t want anything else,” she stated, "if you still want me then we have to be together. They’ll just have to understand.”

We headed out of the cabin and with my wobbly legs we headed back to the Bar Car holding hands and wavering with the pitch of the train. As we approached the girls I could see on there faces that they knew something was up. As there mouths hung open I spoke right up with Elle limply holding my arm. "Ya’ll, we didn’t expect this, and we both love you, but Elle and I have to be together. I want to marry her and she wants to marry me. We’ve loved you both but I have to be with her Sydney. You have to let me have her Mary. I know this is weird and came out of the blue but I need her and she wants me now forever,” I blurted to the girls in our lives as they sat there dumbfounded. For moments they just stared at us. They looked at each other in such devastation at the surprise.

Finally, Sydney spoke, "So that’s it. You just decided this after all this time with us together, Carol, that’s it? What about us?”
"I know, sweetie, I don’t know what to say. It just all happened. I did love you. I do. But it’s different. I have to have Elle. She is what makes me complete. I don’t want to hurt you. I know this is wild. I’ll never take back all the love you brought me and that we shared, but you have to understand that Elle is my destiny and I need her,” I cried.

Mary then snapped. She grabbed Elle by the arm. "So all this time you’ve been thinking of her?” she yelled at Elle. I pulled Elle back behind me and put my body between her and Mary. "She didn’t. She loved you Mary. She needed you too. It’s just different. Don’t destroy that because of what we’re telling you now,” I pleaded. Everyone sat back down and we just stared at one another.
"Ya’ll are a piece of cake,” Sydney started.
"We didn’t plan this,” I broke in.
"So what the hell are we suppose to do,” Sydney continued, filling her wine glass precariously right to the top rim.
"I don’t know. But I don’t want you both to hate us,” Elle said with a sorrowful tone.

"Sydney, you know me. We shared so much. You know that I love you for you. But I have to be with Elle. I thought it would go away but it never really did. I wanted it too because you were so wonderful. But it never went away. I didn’t know that until tonight. Please try to understand”, I begged. Mary was curling her napkin between her hands.
"I always knew that Elle loved you. She never really let me in,” Mary stated out loud almost to herself as well.
"She did love you, Mary, she told me. It hurt but I listened. You showed her it was OK,” I tried to console. We all sat and stared at one another.

"Can I talk to Mary a minute,” Sydney finally asked, "Alone. Can you give us a few?”
"Sure,” I said, as I stood still holding Elle’s hand, "As long as you both know we didn’t plan this and that we care about you and are as scared as you are. We don’t want this to hurt but you’ve got to know how much I need Elle and she needs me.”
Elle looked sincerely at the both of them. We walked on away up to the opening between the Bar Car and the next car with cabins. Holding each other tightly we both sighed.
"What do you think they are saying?” Elle wondered outloud.
"Oh shit, I don’t know what I’d do in their position, but it’s not like they didn’t know we’ve always been close,” I muttered.
The train clicked on through and the lights of the passing track signs blurred outside the thick glass of the passenger car doors we stood by.

Silently we held each other tightly and just watched the train move on. After a while, Sydney came out.
"We’ve talked just a bit and we’re still kinda in shock, but if ya’ll will come back in we want to say some things,” she said matter of factly. We followed her back to the tables in the Bar Car.

Sydney spoke with Mary looking quite beaten beside her, "We both agree that for whatever its worth, you have each given us your total attention for all this time trying to forget one another. You’re not mean people and we know that. We don’t understand how it had to be tonight but if it was to happen I guess tonight is as good as any. We want to move your stuff so that you are together in one cabin and we’ll share the other for tonight. (I started to interrupt and say that wasn’t necessary but Sydney stopped me.) We want to finish our vacation in Provincetown and be OK with this but we must say that we both are feeling pretty schleppy.” She paused and then Sydney continued, "We’ve both talked about the connection you two have and it’s been strange all along and I guess we always both wondered about that, but Mary and I have agreed that we aren’t going to beat you up and we just need time to absorb it. OK?”

I heard Elle sigh. I think I surely did too.
"Mary, you know that this came over me in spite of my sincere love for you, don’t you?” Elle asked deep into Mary’s eyes.
"I know sweetie, but Carol’s always been your bestest bud and I just thought we’d get through it. Mine, I guess, is on the next horizon,” Mary spoke with such sincerity that I thought we’d all start crying. For a while we all just sat and sipped more wine.
"So are you sure you want to go on? To Provincetown? I’d understand if you wanted to go home now?” I questioned. Sydney determinedly said, "We’re going to have to go on, be it now or be it tomorrow. Might as well be in the lesbian capital of the world.” We all laughed a little sheepishly.

We switched around our cabin stuff and didn’t talk much more that night. I tried to hug Sydney as she started for the other cabin door and she breathed in heavily and backed away. As I held Elle when we went to bed we snuggled into each other like we had never been apart for a year.
"Are you OK,” I asked her as we turned the light off.
"It’s going to be strange and hard with all we have to do, but Carol, I’ve never been more relieved or happier than I am now,” she said. I squeezed her and wrapped my legs around hers.
"I love you Elle,” I said, "and we’ll get through this too and really be happy.”
"I know, dear lady. I just can’t believe it took all this for us to be together right now,” she sighed.

The morning was strained but we all were trying so hard to get through it and enjoy the trip we had planned. We each got time to talk privately with our ex’s and that helped. They both handled it with extreme grace. The concert was a blast and we all danced in the aisles.
I think that they both knew that no matter how much each of us loved them, Elle and I had a special connection. Desire and need, passion and ecstasy that couldn’t be questioned. They saw it in our eyes when we were finally together. The logistics of it all took some time once we got back home but it all worked out. Sydney and Mary are still good friends of ours. They give us shit every chance they can. Mary’s been dating a girl now for a year and we love her. Sydney is still dating everyone she meets but no one yet full time.

Elle and I? We’re happier then anyone else on the planet. It all finally came together and we are with each other body, mind and soul. We laugh sometimes about having to just be apart to really see it or appreciate all that we had to give to each other. But we weren’t letting it get away. The hard stuff was still an adjustment on living arrangements, the blending of our schedules, our desires, but we did it together and it all worked itself out quite well.

So ladies. That was the event. That was the train trip. The train of thought that led us back to each other. We’ve planned another one. Just the two of us. The bliss train from Atlanta to Alaska.... but that’s next years story!